The £15 Avocado Trap — Why Central London Breakfasts Are a Scam in Disguise

English breakfast was once the working man’s daily fuel—greasy, glorious, and never more than a fiver at a decent caff. Now? The same plate, cleaned up and sprinkled with chives, is £18 and served by someone named Finn who calls you “babe.”

By The Bean Sprout

There’s a quiet scandal brewing beneath the poached eggs and turmeric lattes of Central London: breakfast has become an extortion racket. And no one seems to be talking about it.

In Soho, Covent Garden, or Fitzrovia, you can barely sit down before you’re being charged £14.50 for eggs on toast—and that’s before you add any extras. Want a sausage? That’s another £3. Bacon? £3.50. A hash brown? Weirdly, the same price as a small Picasso print.

You’ll leave having eaten what is essentially a 30p egg, half an avocado, and a slice of sourdough, but your card balance will feel like you spent the weekend in Ibiza.

The “Artisanal” Illusion

What used to be a humble start to the day has been transformed into a lifestyle performance. Menus now read like manifestos:

  • “Heritage tomatoes”

  • “Ancient grain granola”

  • “Wildflower honey harvested by monks on the Isle of Wight”

It’s breakfast, not a pilgrimage.

Let’s break this down:

A box of six free-range eggs costs under £2. A loaf of decent sourdough is £3. So even if you’re using high-quality ingredients, how do we get to £16 for ‘eggs florentine’?

We don’t. It’s marketing markup, baby. Breakfast has become a status symbol.

Bottomless Brunch = Bottomless Nonsense

Ah yes, the bottomless brunch. The modern capitalist brunch-industrial complex. For £45, you can have one pancake, a whisper of smoked salmon, and four diluted mimosas made with Prosecco that tastes like printer ink.

The margins on this are wild. You’re paying for the Instagram clout and a vague feeling that you’re doing something sophisticated. It’s not breakfast. It’s theatre.

Is It Really That Hard to Make Toast?

The most egregious example: £5.50 for buttered toast. Not even a topping. Just toast. For that price, I want a life coach and a hug from Nigella Lawson.

Let’s not forget: we’re in a country where the full English breakfast was once the working man’s daily fuel—greasy, glorious, and never more than a fiver at a decent caff. Now? The same plate, cleaned up and sprinkled with chives, is £18 and served by someone named Finn who calls you “babe.”

The Central London Breakfast Formula:

  • Rent: high.

  • Tourists: plentiful.

  • Locals: too tired to argue.

  • Solution: hike the prices, give it a minimalist font, add chili flakes. Done.

How to Beat the Breakfast Scam:

  1. Go old school. Find your local greasy spoon and never let go. It’s where real value and real conversation live.

  2. DIY breakfasts. Cook at home and save £40. You can make five brunches for the price of one at The Ivy.

  3. Avoid the Instagram cafés. If the tables are pink, the coffee is £5 and the food is a lie.

Final Word

If you’re paying more for your breakfast than a cinema ticket, you’ve been had. Central London has many charms—but £18 for porridge shouldn’t be one of them. Demand better. Or at least demand jam with your £5 toast.

Hungry for truth, not truffle oil? You’re in the right place. Subscribe to The Bean Sprout for more dispatches from London’s overpriced underbelly